Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Things Some People Do

Something I don't do very often but I am letting Kristan Cavallari have her very own guest post:

Hello, bitches. My name is Kristan Cavallari. I was totally on this show called 'Laguna Beach', I'm sure you've hear of it. We did like, really really good in the ratings for MTV. What? You don't watch MTV? Then I'm sure you've seen me on TMZ too. No? Anyway. I was needing to get more exposure so I can get on shows where you can really act. Not like I use to do with that pretend acting on those 'Reality Shows'. So I was talking to my agent and he told me I needed exposure to a more 'broader' audience. I told him I already did Maxim once but that wasn't what he was talking about. So he hooked me up with these folks from this organization called PETA or PETRA, I don't know. I all I needed to do was hold this cute bunny and say something like, 'fur is dead' (like, duh. It's no good to wear it live). And say that I don't eat meat. I'm like, whatever, how much are they paying me for this? I was SO pissed off when he told me the normal union rate. I at first said no. I am Kristan Cavallari. Do they know who my dad is? Yes, they did know and if I wanted more money I needed to be naked holding the bunny over my boobs. Are they shitting me? That bunny had claws and teeth. I mean, what if it bit or scratched me? So here I am, in my cloths sitting with Bugs Bunny telling the world not to test their food on rabbits. Or something. I walked out with money to go shopping with. That's what matters. You should see these leather boots I got. Anyway, it SO opened up my career. I was in a CSI TV show. I forgot which one. All I know it wasn't the one in Miami with that creepy dude with the sunglasses. Things are looking up. My agent said I might be the next Alicia Silverstone if things keep going this way. I think she did something for PETRO not too long ago. I wonder how she is doing?

Welcome, RSM and Smitty1e readers.


  1. This post needs a disclaimer: "Do not read with a mouth full of chai tea while sitting at the library, unless you're prepared to spew said chai tea all over fellow librarians and utterly humiliate yourself."

    Thanks, Dave.

  2. I started to hear her voice in my head while writing that and she would.not.shut.up.

    What could you do? I transcribed and tried to keep up.