Some Long Running TV Show Will Come To An End Tomorrow

I remember that fateful night. When Jack battled it out with the Man in Black. And how even though Jack was mortally wounded, he still saved the island and the others were able to finally leave. I will always remember where I was for that last episode of Lost.

And the hour will be seared, seared into my memory when I saw Spike Spiegel stumble down the stairs after his final fight with Vicious. . . And fall-- only to have the credits start to roll and you can't help but ask yourself, "Did Spike live or did he die?" But when you saw the bright star fading at the end, you know. You know.

Oh yeah. Oprah's last show is on Wednesday. Tom Cruise's penchant for jumping on couches hardest hit.

Video: Andrew Klavan And How Liberals Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love The War On Terror

Via Instypundit.



And speaking of Steven Colbert:

To make his case that the ruling invites "unlimited corporate money" to dominate politics, Mr. Colbert decided to set up a political action committee (PAC) of his own. So far, though, the joke's been on him.

The hilarity began last month, when Mr. Colbert began to have difficulty setting up his PAC, which is a group that can raise money to run political ads or make contributions to candidates. So he called in Trevor Potter, a former Federal Elections Commission (FEC) chairman who is now a high-powered Washington lawyer.

Mr. Potter delivered some unfunny news: Mr. Colbert couldn't set up his PAC because his show airs on Comedy Central, which is owned by Viacom, and corporations like Viacom cannot make contributions to PACs that give money to candidates. As Mr. Potter pointed out, Mr. Colbert's on-air discussions of the candidates he supports might count as an illegal "in-kind" contribution from Viacom to Mr. Colbert's PAC.

All was not lost, however. As Mr. Potter explained, the comedian might still be able to set up a "Super PAC," a group that can raise unlimited sums of money as long as it spends it only on independent ads, without donating at all to candidates. Super PACs exist because of another case that proponents of campaign-finance law despise, SpeechNow.org v. FEC.

So the newly dubbed "Colbert Super PAC" was off to the races. Mr. Colbert could finally show us how amusing it is to raise unlimited corporate dollars and spend them on political ads.

Or so it seemed. . .

The Kennedy's Become Him

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a love child?

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, separated after she learned he had fathered a child more than a decade ago — before his first run for office — with a longtime member of their household staff.

Obviously some sort of osmosis effect from marrying the Kennedy clan.

Warning! Do Not Hit This Link!

Do not click this link. You have been warned.

Whatever you do, don't click over. All I know that the person in the picture is most definitely not Carrot Top.

If you click anyway, you will hate yourself and me. But save the hate for someone else who deserves it. Like Bob Belvedere.

Do not click over at work, that's for sure. IYKWIMAITYD.

Signs That The Apocalypse Shall Soon Be Here

Lady Gaga is introducing a new perfume.

"Yeah? So? What's so shocking about that?" You might be temped to say.

Wait until you find out what she wants the perfume to smell like.

According to sources in the fragrance industry hired to develop Lady Gaga‘s first fragrance, the pop star has requested that the scent “smell of blood and semen.”

Surely You Must Be Joking! Leslie Nielsen Passed Away?*

I'm not joking and quit calling me Shirley.

Canadian actor Leslie Nielsen, who most famously achieved global success in comedy movies such as "Airplane!" and "The Naked Gun," has died aged 84, Manitoba radio station CJOB reported Sunday.

His death was first reported in unconfirmed messages on Twitter late Sunday that suggested the actor had died in the hospital after suffering from pneumonia.

His nephew Doug Nielson, told CJOB that Leslie had been in the hospital in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida for 12 days and that with family and friends by his side at 5:30pm Sunday "he just fell asleep and passed away."

Before he starred in Aiplane!, he was a known as very serious actor, i.e., The Forbidden Planet.

Jim Abrams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker offered him the role as the doctor and he jumped at it. Giving Nielsen a second chance in show business with a comical career.

Something about ones that made you laugh, you will miss the most.



This isn't to highlight the 'Surely' gag but the more overshadowed line: "What is it?". If I remember my movie right, it was dropped a few times.

*All too many blogs probably used this gag as a title for Nielsen's passing. Low hanging fruit. But-- on some level-- I don't think Leslie would mind.

Is Gwyneth Paltrow Doing Damage Control?

After living in the limelight and saying things like this:

"I worry about bringing up a child in America. At the moment there's a weird, over-patriotic atmosphere over there, like, 'We're No. 1 and the rest of the world doesn't matter."

And:

"I think George Bush is such an embarrassment to America in the way that he doesn't take the rest of the world into consideration."

Not to mention:

"I don't feel there's any lip service with [Obama]. I don't feel like he's one of those jaded politicos who say one thing and are talking out of both sides of their mouth. I also feel we've done such incredible damage to our reputation — and as someone who lives outside America for half the year, I overhear things that I wish I didn't overhear. A lot of people in the West think that we're not very sensitive to the rest of the world, and I think that having a president called Barack Hussein Obama in 2008 says that we are part of the world and we don't want to make unilateral decisions about the fate of all of us. I just pray to God that he wins."

What better way to make up for that than star in a country film! Cause hicks love anything with music, boots, the flag and Jesus. That ought to satisfy those bitter clingers.



Thanks to Erin, who provided the concept I shamelessly stole. Shamelessly? Yes, I pretty much cut and pasted what she said on Facebook about this movie.

So now I'm going to play 'How The Movie Will End By Watching The Preview' of Country Strong. I also did read a very short description of what happened. It was two sentences long.

She's getting out of rehab, looking to make a come back. The problem is she's a has-been. She's had problems getting records out on time. It's a business but she's an artist, blah blah blah. She's not getting a record deal and hitting the road on tour unless she has another act on board to help sell songs and fill seats. So instead of one, she and her husband (Tim McGraw) offer two. Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester are the new acts. Not yet stars but have lots of potential. It's their job to help set fire to Gwyneth's comeback. Along the way, hilarity and high jinks ensues. Or conflict. It looks more like a drama than a comedy.

Gwyneth still has addiction issues and has an attraction to the younger guy of the new act. And trouble maintaining her Talor Swift coiffure on the road.

Tim second guesses his wife's decisions and undermines her whenever he can. He can't quite trust her as an addict. Also, he has the hots for Leighton.

Leighton may sound sweet and innocent but the film makers purposely left in the quote about who her two idols are, "Kelly Cantor and Jesus Christ." She will be the wily one. And possibly seduce the husband. Gossips Girls are never to be trusted.

Garrett will be the rock steady character. He'll be with Gwyneth at her worst, when she's drunk and horny and be the complete gentleman about it. Then some horrible allegations will arise that he did slept with Gwyneth after all. Which will cause the husband to fly off into a seething rage in an attempt to justify his own self hate for having cheated on his wife the night before with Leighton.

He will also be the one to take Gwyneth on her 'Journey Of Self Discovery'. Involving jumping on a freight train like a damnable hobo, singing at a seedy honky tonk and serenading some cute children at a cancer ward. Queue the montage (Montage).

In the end, Gwyneth will write a song with Garrett about their experiences which will top the charts. Garrett will be playing in her band, getting his own career going. And she will have left her husband by then.

Leighton will have moved on as well. She'll be doing okay. Moving her way on up the ladder the only way she knows how.

And Tim. He'll be left off into cinematic obscurity where all ex-husbands go from women wymen empowerment movies. What movie or TV series about women wymen empowerment doesn't have the wife leaving her husband?

Have to wait until December or January to see the movie to see how far off of target I am. Or longer than that. When it's released on DVD.

The Long National Nightmare Is Over

Lindsay Lohan is finally out of jail.

For now.

Robert Downey Jr. emailed to say that it's not going to get any easier for her.

If This Is What Oliver Stone Says While Sober. . .

. . . Imagine the rant if he was drunk.

More:

What Oliver Stone did at the link is, in many ways, worse that what Mel Gibson ever said. Gibson laid out the Granddaddy of all 'Drunken Dials'. I'm not excusing what he did but trying to place it in it's proper context.

Oliver was, in theory*, sober. He wrote, planned out, sought financing, filmed and edited his 'Documentary' to put Hitler in the proper context.

It's not a drunken outburst.

*Oliver has been Stoned** for sometime now.

**Yeah, the 'Stoned' gag was cheap, easy and fast. But enough about Jane Hamsher.

The Huffington Post: The Place For News About Demi Moore's Colon Cleanse

No, seriously.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are currently existing on a mix of lemon, cayenne pepper and maple syrup, according to Demi's tweeting.

On Sunday she tweeted that she and her husband were doing the master cleanse and, rather than weight loss or appearance, 'this is about health!!!' Triple exclamation points hers.

Earlier in the day she had tweeted, '2nd day of master cleanse and off to hike with hubby and the dogs. 2nd day better than the 1st!' and she added that she and her husband were doing it together.

Ashton Kutcher has yet to tweet the details about his espresso enema.

Janeane Garofalo Splitting Atoms. . . With Her Mind

To her credit, she is calling out an entire news network full of older, white men on their 'racist' comments.



So in this respect, she's doing the public a service.

Speaking of which, see what happened to Keith Olbermann's site?

American Idol Shake Up

It looks like Simon Cowell is leaving the show, American Idol. I guess he's tired of doing the same old thing. Traveling the country, listening to some good-- and some extremely bad-- singers to see who has the potential to be a star. Nine years of that would be enough for anyone.

He's bringing his show, The X-Factor, over from England. Fox will broadcast the show where Simon Cowell will be traveling the country, listening to some good-- and some extremely bad-- singers to see who has the potential to be a star.

Yeah, it's a good thing he's not doing the same old thing all over again.

Just Because They Have A Camera Pointed At Them Doesn't Mean They Are Smarter Than You*

Wolf Blitzer of CNN was on Celebrity Jeopardy. Keep in mind he's a 'Decider' of what news you hear and don't hear. Wait until you see how far he's in the hole at the end of "Double Jeopardy".


Sure it's just a game show but he was completely pwnned by comedian Andy Richter.
*Headline credit to something Jim Treacher once said. Credit due and all that.

Yes, It Does Get Worse

Robert Stacy has the find of the day. A pole dancing doll for the kiddies. Read it through for the updates regarding Kourtney Kardashian and Kendra Wilkinson and their respective (heh) pregnancies.

To answer the rhetorical question being asked, "Can it get any worse?" Yes. Yes it can. Kendra will need to set up the obligatory college fund for the little tyke. When mommy get's her figure back and some help from Photoshop, you'll know exactly what she'll do too. Hef will be eyeing up the baby (if a girl) and doing the math in his head when he can legally publish her in the magazine. Taking time out on the photo shoot so she can get dressed enough to put the towel over her shoulder so you can't see the baby eat.

But on the other hand. Kendra did say she found God. That does depend on Kendra's definition of God, however. A wise man once said that being a Christian in California means you don't touch the hard drugs.

With Kourtney, it's more of a toss up if she'll go the route of Kendra. She has her dignity to look out for. She will get a new reality show out of it. Kourtney Kardashian, Baby Momma. Why not after Jon and Kate And The Hot Dog In The Hallway (or whatever the name of their show was).

The sad thing is I don't think I scratched the surface for the question, "Can it get any worse?"

UPDATE: Kendra is on Twitter, with over 300,000 followers. Much much more than Meghan McCain's 55,000. Think, Meghan, of how much more influential Kendra is than you are.

This Is Where Eli Roth Insists Upon Himself

Really? Does Eli Roth think that he is that influential?

You directed a fake Nazi propaganda film that airs in the middle of Inglourious Basterds. Was that the most twisted thing you’ve ever made?
I thought I had made some horrific movies before, but there I was, filming that propaganda movie, Nation’s Pride. The whole thing is this guy in a bell tower shooting American soldiers and it’s all supposed to be about the glory of Hitler and the power of the swastika.

I’m in the scene where they watch the movie. So there I am, a Jewish director, sitting with 300 Nazi extras watching this movie and going crazy. They’re in character and acting, but hearing them yell “Heil Hitler!” and “Kill the Jews!” in German, my stomach dropped. I looked at Quentin and said, “What have I done? Did I just start the Fourth Reich? This movie is going to reignite the Nazi party and they’re going to make me their Sarah Palin!”

Nah, it was just a way for him to make a cheap political point which he knows nothing about.

Via The Washington Examiner.

How Lady GaGa Was Signed

Akon: So you are Lady GaGa?


Lady GaGa: Yes, I am.


Akon: And I should sign you up as your own act because?


Lady GaGa: Well, Britney is a has been. She has kids to feed and an ex-husband to support. I don't have that much baggage.


Akon: So, Britney is still a big act. As a performer, how can you one up her?


Lady GaGa: Well, I can have three kids by three different dancers. But that would mean having to find 3 straight male danc--


Akon: No, not that. I mean, performance wise. Are you better than Britney?


Lady GaGa: I'm a better singer than she--


Akon: Look. When I say performer, what I really mean is, do you have a good body? If my label if fronting money for a big budget video, I'm going to want you in a leather bra and assless chaps.


Lady GaGa: Oooh. Well, I'm no Jessica Simpson--


Akon: *whispering* who is?

Lady GaGa: -- but yes, I do have a better body than Britney. And a good plastic surgeon on retainer for a boob job.


Akon: Okay, and --


Lady GaGa: I also have this.


Akon: What's that?


Lady GaGa: People call me a cypher. I have an entire stable of blank stares I give that can mean anything. The public projects what they want the stare to mean.


Akon: I see what you mean


Lady GaGa: See, check this one out.


Lady GaGa: And this.


Lady GaGa: And this


Lady GaGa: And this.


Akon: Hold it, hold it, hold it. I see what you mean. I want to make sure we are on the same page. We want to sell songs and tickets. In order for you to do that, you need to be the next big thing. Bigger than Britney. She started out as a Mouseketeer and ended up making out with Madonna onstage. That's what I'm looking for. Some young girl to sell out her soul only to be dumped 5 years later for the next hot young thing with firmer breasts, a mediocre voice and who is willing to do anything that is asked of her. So much so that Britney dancing with a python will appear tame. What can you do?


Lady GaGa: I am perfectly willing to have sex on stage with a goat if need be.


Akon: That's what I like to hear. Although you won't need to do that. Yet.


Lady GaGa: Or a Llama.


Akon: Okay I get--


Lady GaGa: Or Rosie O'Donnell


Akon: Whoa. No need to go that far. I don't want to jump ahead. Marketing has figured an act like that is about three pop tarts away from where we are now. How much farther are you willing to go beyond Britney? What will you do to one up her?


Lady GaGa: THIS!



Akon: That will do nicely. Sign here.

Roseanne Barr Struggles To Keep Roseanne Barr's Name In The News

Roseanne Barr use to have a top rated TV show on ABC. Last I knew, she was pitching a reality show of her pitching a sitcom to TV networks. I'm pretty sure it was canceled before the first episode aired.

So how does a burned out, has been try to stay relevant? By claiming Obama has moved to the center of the political spectrum.

MILLER (28:35): How are you liking the new Obama Presidency?


BARR: I don’t at all. I just don’t at all. If you want to know what I think, go to read my blog, rosanneworld.com. And I don’t at all. Basically his speech, his you know joke of a speech.


MILLER: Why?


BARR: Huh? Because it’s just Bush Doc... continuing, Bush Doctine with absolutely no change at all. It’s very frightening.


MILLER: How do you figure? I thought the tone was completely different.


BARR: He said nothing.


MILLER: He said nothing?


BARR: He said absolutely nothing. No, he didn’t.


MILLER: What were you hoping for?


BARR: I was hoping for you know some change. Remember the reason why the guy got voted in? I was hoping for some change and for it to start there in the Middle East because that’s why everything in the world is screwed up including our economy. Instead, he said from here we’re going to grandfather in all of these old settlements. They’ll stay in place. But, you know in the future maybe we won’t allow anymore settlements. This is after what they just did in Gaza over there. They’re (Israel) never held responsible for you know war crimes and this government backs and it makes me sick.


MILLER: But yeah. He’s (Obama) clearly taking a lot stronger line with Israel then previous administrations.


BARR: No he’s isn’t! He hasn’t demanded one. He uses strong rhetoric. He talks harsh and carries the smallest stick in the world. He doesn’t do anything. He hasn’t even you know, don’t get me started.

To Barr's credit, she does recognize the flowery speech that Obama spews forth. Albeit a bit late to the game in that epiphany.

There's more at the link and the audio from the show as well. Is it Schadenfreude to listen to her complain?

Via Memeorandum.