Saturday, December 24, 2011

Top Five Worst Christmas Songs

The consensus is in, there is no arguing with it. The science is settled as Al Gore is fond of saying.

Brought to you by the home office in Frankenmuth, Michigan.

Number Five: Last Christmas by Wham.

Last Christmas, she broke George Micheal's heart so this Christmas he is giving it to someone special. Someone special apparently is whoever it is that shuffles his feet in the bathroom stall next to him.

Number Four: Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer.

It's just silly, sad and-- after the second time-- annoying as Rosie O'Donnell, Roseanne Barr and Joy Behar merged into one horrific creature who became your mother-in-law.

Number Three: Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney and Wings.

It sounds exactly like it was made. On a home studio in 1979.

Nothing wrong with home studios today. With a good computer and sound mixer, a person can make a CD quality song or two.

It's not like McCartney couldn't afford to bring this into a real studio and polish it up. The problem is that he didn't and-- being how no one can say "No" to a former Beatle-- we are stuck with this.

Number Two: Happy Xmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon and Some Shrieking Succubus.

Because there is nothing worse than a celebrity preaching.

The melody is alright, it's the lyrics that gave this song the number two spot.

And the number one worst Christmas Song is: Do They Know It's Christmas by Band Aid (various artists, AKA, whoever was free at the time and needed a boost in their career or wanted to satisfy the Public Service Announcement condition of their parole).

Because if there is one thing worse than one celebrity preaching it's a chorus of celebrities preaching.

Honorable mention is Faith Hill with Where Are You Christmas. I didn't want to make a top six and a top ten would have been too many videos for one post. Besides, it will leave me open to put 'The Grinch' in the Top Five Worst Christmas movies for next year.

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